Day 255

With a deep breath
a really long slow deep breath in
I open the cobwebs of my cells and atoms
and let go
release finally and completely
the illusion
the burden
the heaviness
the stories
of being a frail, limited physical body.
At the most expanded place of my inhaling breath
I witness the body with love
And I realize myself as the Omnipresent
Bird of Flight.

As I release the breath
I simultaneously drop body consciousness and fill the body with light.

As I feel the love I am
tears well
up.

These tears are God's messages
telling me that S/He is
real.

They are all the proof I need.

~~

It's day 255. Haven't missed a day yet of transmitting Universal Love/Energy into the Exchange. Haven't missed a day yet of doing my spiritual breaths. This past month I have really dove deep into the teachings of my spiritual path, which is opening many, many doors of consciousness within me. I have experienced much growth, and I am deeply grateful for. Yet I am finding that, as I reach for higher states of consciousness, and really begin to feel connected with God/dess, the lower armies of consciousness come at me in force to try and drag me back down. But, I just keep on plugging. I will not give up. Day in and day out. I am learning patience.

We live in a smaller home now, and are more comfortable. I can't believe we haven't always lived here. It feels like it. The two boys are doing okay - save for meltdowns here and there - and my beautiful daughter - my black diamond from Ethiopia - is a miraculous presence in my life.

I will rise

I came on this earth
born to turmoil pain anger suffering
rage
confusion
walking vulnerable through a battlefield
abused
crying
wishing I would die
that I was never
ever
born.

I came on this earth
to rise, to rise,
and rise
like a phoenix through the ashes
and remember my wings of
transcendent Love.

I came on this earth
on a great inner journey to
find my Teacher
and my home in Love.

I am on this earth to take up
my wings of freedom and fly
through the endless sky of
Omniscient Love
at One with the Divine Lover
who sent me.

I came on this earth to unleash
this flood of Love through me
to vanish the broken thoughts of
hate, the shattered dreams of sorrow,
and to awaken
to rise
and rise
and
rise again.

I came on this earth to remember
who I am
the Soul of Pure Love
at One with All Love
Everywhere.

I came on this earth to shatter
the false memory of being
a frail weak human being
and to take my place alongside
the Great Ones
to walk with Them,
hands in hand, smiling
together
the light of the One.

Am I naive? Am I insane?

Yes, you are, the pain of this world says.
You are nuts, for who are you
to think you are so good
so high and mighty?
Who are you to think you are better
than me?
You had better come back here
and let me hold you in my misery
wrap you in my ugly shame
and try and smother your spirit
kill your dreams forever.

And I say,
No.
NO!
NO YOU WILL NOT!

And whats more,
you will surrender!
You will surrender without terms.
Unconditional surrender!

I come on this battlefield with reinforcements
this time!

I come onto this battlefield with the Great Ones
of past and present and future
this time!

I came holding the hand of my Teacher
and his Teacher
and his!

Just as the mountain surrenders
eventually
to the drop of water

so you will surrender to the Omniscient Love
within me.

You will.

I may fall on this battlefield, yes, I may.
If I fall, broken and shattered,
arrows of pain sticking out of my guts,
one thousand times,
then one thousand and ONE times
I shall rise.

I shall rise again and again and
again.

For Love is patient

very

patient.

~~Daniel Peebles

Day 226 challenges challenges challenges

Emotional challenges

I am grateful to be continuing on this sacred journey of merging with and transmitting Universal Energy through my heart and hands for the benefit of all life. In the past two weeks, I have had some painful experiences with my family of origin, mainly my mom. I think I have processed it mostly, and I am not sure I am even ready to write about it, but I will see. I think for now, I am just going to "table it" in my mind, not go to deep into it now, and move on. Just to say that the most hateful things anyone has ever said to me in my 43 years of life came from my mom. Not just rude, but purely hateful. So I will go on processing everything, and trying to lift my consciousness, my heart, my soul, to a clear level of existence. The best parts about this whole thing: 1) It has inspired me to go deeper and further into my spiritual evolution, study, practice, and meditation, and 2) I didn't fight back. I didn't send hate back. And I won't. I may not ever speak to her again, but I won't meet her hate with more hate.

I keep on keeping on. It has been 7 months now, and I am very happy to be keeping my commitments. Reviewing the whole list from the beginning of the year, the only two things that have stayed are 1) transmitting the Energy/Love every day for 12 minutes at a time, and 2) doing my spiritual breaths. The eating one meal a day and the rest fell away. Those were the two main ones that I wanted to keep going on.

Day 212

This has been the longest break from journaling in this blog and recording my journey, but I am very happy to report that I have channeled/communicated the Love/Energy every day into this Quantum Healing Exchange every day for 212 days. I am really happy about that. I have also not missed a single day of doing my inner, spiritual breaths taught to me in my spiritual tradition. I have made it 7 months of a long, 144 month journey. Wow.

There have been times in the last month that I was so tired and exhausted, and I was so busy with moving, that all I could do is just place my hands on the book and open the cells and atoms and just ask the Energy to flow. I have been having a lot of sneaking thoughts about quitting, criticizing this project, trying to think of something to replace it. But to honor the person who began this journey in the deep winter of 2009-2010, I will continue. I will press on. Day in and day out, for 12 minutes at a time, I will endure. Even when I don't want to. I will continue.

I will also try and check in more often.

Day 165

I am so grateful for the power of Universal Love - and I am so grateful that I have communicated this Love into all the hearts, minds, souls, cells, atoms, of all those who are now contained here - for 165 days in a row. There have been times in the past month that I have felt like quitting, but I haven't. I am going strong in this daily 12 minute practice. I have also continued doing my mystical breaths - I am up to 48 breaths a day - which is really increasing my vibration dramatically.

I don't blog as much because we are moving, and my life is totally upside down. But this practice is keeping me tied to the Power of Universal Love. I feel great winds of change are blowing through my life - changes that feel good - I am hoping to experience a career transition that will allow me to get out of Kansas City and stay home a lot more. My dream job would be a healing practice - giving Reiki and Quantum Touch every day for a living - wow - would that be amazing or what!

Last year, I began this amazing 12 year journey - then made is 175 days and totally forgot to send the Love one day. Then the rest of the year I re-evaluated everything and started again on January 1, 2010. It has been an amazing 6 months so far. So much for having a year of "nothing going on!" Our lives are an incredible adventure!!

Ten more days and I will get past the 175 day mark... Yippee!!

Coming up for air

Wow... it has been since April 25, 2010 that I wrote anything in this blog. On April 30, we contracted to sell our home and to buy another one. Since then, it has been totally insane. I haven't missed a day of transmitting Love, or doing my breaths. I am feeling good about that. I want to write more, but I am a little insane. Moving is fun, and it isn't at the same time.

Breathe of Love (Day 115)

This week, I dedicate myself to losing myself in the Breathe of Love.

Breathing in, I open the cup of my heart like a flower turned up toward the sun. I pull my heart up into All Love Everywhere.

Breathing out, I pour Love, Light, Energy, Bliss, back down into my body, cells, atoms, and deeper - revealing to me the transparency of body and the true reality of who I am.

This week, I dedicate myself to taking these breaths - as many as I possibly can throughout the day and night. I pull my heart up into the Limitless Being of who I am with each deep breath in, and I shower myself with unconditional Love with each breath out.

Starting now: One full week of continuous LOVE-BREATHING.

beautiful, tear invoking session

Nice.

That was wonderful. I just transmitted the Love into this Exchange, and into the hearts and minds of all contained here. I could really feel the Love flowing through my heart and hands this time. The tears are all the proof I need that the Love is reaching everyone in this book.

I am writing a "Receiving Divine Love" whispering affirmation audio. In this audio, affirmations are recorded as whispers, and they are designed to allow the listener to deeply decide and consent to receive the Love, Energy, and Light flowing through this Exchange. To let ourselves be Loved unconditionally - that I think is the most powerful thing we can do.

There is so much Love that the Divine is pouring into us. It is up to us to allow that in. And it is this Love that I ask to flow through my hands - not the energy of this body and mind - but the Energy of Divine Love - but the Universal Transcendent, Transpersonal that I ask to flow through me.

I feel an enormous well of clear enthusiastic light pouring forth.

And I am grateful.

Long break - I am back and...

So is my enthusiasm for this Exchange.

It has been awhile since I have reported in. It is now day 105, and I still have not missed a day this year. I am ecstatic about that. Every day, I have held this Exchange between my Hands of Love, and every day I have communicated the Divine Energy to all contained here.

For the past few weeks, I have gone through a period of frustration and discouragement around this whole process. Thoughts of giving up, closing down the blog, putting the book away, came into my mind more than once. I am glad I hung in there, because now I feel absolutely fantastic about what I am doing.

I own nothing

I just had a great session of transmitting Universal Love, and I am feeling myself embark upon a deep, internal study of abundance and money. It seems that everyone has either negative or positive connotations around money. They either hate it, or grope after it like Schmeigel in the Lord of the Rings going after the ring.

I am realizing that I own nothing. Yeah, I make money. I put it in the bank for a little while. Then I give it away to others. I may collect a savings account, and collect this amount of money or that amount of money. But in the end - in the short dash - in the lightning strike that I am on this earth - I take no money with me. No money is put in my casket when I die. It all goes away from me in the end anyway.

SO... I am going to start developing a deep, intuitive, inner renouncement of money. I own nothing. I keep nothing. I am merely an empty vessel. A river bed through which abundance flows for the benefit of my family, community, and the world. I want to develop a detachment, a letting-go, a release around receiving money and around giving money. It comes to me freely. It leaves me freely. I don't push it away. I don't hoard it.

In this way, I think I can allow more abundance to flow to me, and through me.

Churn the butter of Love

Divine Mother
Universe
God
Beloved
The smile behind
the particles and waves of
this Sacred Universe...

I pray, screaming in ecstatic agony
that You feel this Love that I pour
through
these empty hands
this open heart.

In my life, I have collected worries
anxieties
fears
traumas...

I want to much to escape
this lake of uncertainty that my little
boat floats upon
pushed around by the waves of stress
and time.

I want so much to disappear into the light
gushing with pure ecstatic bliss
through this flimsy transparent dream
body.

I want to know that this Universal Energy
this Love
this Divine Bliss
is making a difference in the lives
of all I send this Love to...

Again I say:
most of all,
it is You - behind the faces of all
behind the smiles of all
within the tears of all
beating in the heart of all

it is You...
that I pray will feel this Love.

Inwardly I churn my heart
higher and higher,
more and more intensity,
my hands shaking,
tears streaming,
please, disappear,

please human dream body
disappear

reveal the light you are hiding...

and may You,
the smiling center of mystery

may You feel this Love
and may I feel that You
have received the shattered atoms
and cells of

this Love

Divine.

no more numbers

Okay, I think I am going to stop just numbering the days. Every now and then, I may look at a calendar and see what day I am on, just for fun. Instead, I am just operating under the assumption that I am not going to miss a day of transmitting Universal Love for the period of January 1, 2010 through January 1, 2022. That's my goal and I am sticking with it.'

81

Oh sweet Universe
I know your in there
in here

in the palms of these hands
in these cells, these atoms

deeper down

deeper down

all the way - I know You are in here.

I breathe my heart, my soul
open to You

and I witness You unfold in the palms
of my hands.

Galaxies,
Suns,
Moons,
Planets,
Endless Light,

is in here.

You unfold, and I pray,
the prayer that a river prays
as it dances down the landscape of dreams.

I pray that all will feel and will soak up
and will benefit

from the dance of this
water
Divine.

79

Spiritual questions

Is it possible for a question to spark, nurture, and help stir the awakening of our souls, our love, our native beingness?

For the past two years, I have written, re-written, and tweaked a set of 108 spiritual, meditative questions designed to help us awaken. And as of the last few days, I am feeling how much they are a part of this Exchange. I have been asking them, deeply reflecting them, and releasing them into my mind and body for the past few days, and I am about to start an official 108 day journey of asking them every single day.

There are 5 audios in all, and the 108 questions take about 9 minutes and 37 seconds to be asked. In meditations 1 and 2, they are repeated rapidly, one after the other, so that if you listen and repeat each question back to yourself, the next question will begin before you have had a chance to repeat it. It overlaps for this reason: the conscious mind gets tired because it wants to be in control, and as it is trying to repeat one question, and the next one begins, it goes back and forth between the two. This soon causes it to loosen its grip and relax, which allows the listener to sink into a deep and delicious, relaxed and wonderful state of mind.

In meditations 3 and 4, they are delivered into each hemisphere, each ear, in random order. It sounds like two sets of different questions, but they are the same list of 108 questions, but spoken in random order. This allows both hemispheres, and the intelligence and resources within each, to harmonize and go into a deep and transcendent state of mind and body.

Meditation 5 is semi-subliminal. You can barely hear the questions spoken, but they are mostly inaudible.

Finally, all the questions are saturated with Divine Energy/Love every day - so that as you absorb them, you are also soaking up this Energy into your cells, atoms, mind and heart.

The ultimate goal of these questions is to point the consciousness to that place beyond all thought, all time, all form, all dimension - so that we can live in the effortless grace of our divine beings.

More later...

74

All people in pain, please receive this Love flowing through my heart, hands - and through the heart and hands of all beings of light. It is time to end the suffering on this planet, and Love is the only medicine that can heal the wounds of loneliness, pain, and suffering.

I have gone through a lot of purging of anxiety, craziness, and general feelings of internal chaos this weekend. I am feeling much better. Yesterday was hard because I have been not getting enough sleep due to our new puppy that is sleeping in the room with Christine and I.

On my way to drop my two beautiful boys off at camp, this thought came to me:

Nothing UNREAL can ever be protected.
Nothing REAL can ever be harmed.
Love is REAL. Everything else is the grand dance of illusion.

69

I just had a great session of sending the Universal Love.

I am settling into a nice habit, a nice groove, a nice rhythm in doing my spiritual practices every day. I am feeling a sense of chaos, a sense of change, a sense of transformation lately. Locally, our kids elementary school almost closed, but ultimately didn't. After going to all those school board meetings, all those school board forum meetings, two public marches/gatherings - I have come to have a deeper love, respect, appreciation for my neighbors and friends. They are all such wonderful people, and I am proud to be a member of this community.

Anyway - all is well in LOVE SEND LAND!

61

I surrender my heart
mind
body
soul

to

L
O
V
E

59

Checking in...

It is now day 59 of this long journey of 1) quantumly transmitting Universal Love through my hands for at least 12 minutes every day in a row for 4,380 days (12 years), and 2) doing my esoteric breaths twice a day (from my own spiritual tradition) So far, I am ecstatic to say that I have made it. I am very grateful. Every day, I do three small meditations. In the morning, I do my light-breaths. Around noon or mid-afternoon, I transmit the Universal Energy, and in the late afternoon I do my light-breaths again. It is working well. I feel it is a solid habit now.

My prayer is that this Love is making a difference, and that I will let-go of being the "doer" and simply be the transparent window through which it flows....

Other things...

I have made a commitment to exercise for the next 90 days to get this body into better shape. It is week one of that endeavor. It involves 3 days a week of weights, push-ups and squats, and 3 days a week of cardio. SO FAR, I am feeling fantastic and strong. I think it is because of everything I am doing, plus the fact that I am using progesterone cream on my skin every night. I had heard that this natural hormone cream helps to raise DHEA levels in the blood. Whatever it does, I am not feeling sore the next day after intense workouts. I feel strong, bouncy, supple, just like I am in my 20's! In the summer of 2008, I tried this same regimen, and I was completely wiped out for days after each session with the weights. And now - I am not! Which is really making me happy, which brings me to this point: I believe that if we keep our bodies healthy and strong, we are more able to sense, feel, and direct life-energy, and we are more able to "see through" our bodies and realize their ultimate transparency.

Joining the Good News Gazette for 40 days....

The Good News Gazette will begin a 40 day program of holding the entire country and all our politicians from all spectrums of left and right in a field of compassion and love, beginning March 1, 2010. Here is my prayer:

I pray that all the love, deep in the core of each politician, each american, will unite for the best, the highest, and the greatest good of everyone in the United States and everyone in the world. I hold this political system in a field of love, I hold each person, each politician in this field of love, and I pray for the transmutation of fear, anger, hate - into genuine feelings of compassion, understanding, forgiveness, and love.

For more information about this 40 day event, click here

24 hours of AUM/OM

Today, I have decided to chant OM in every waking and dreaming moment, for 24 hours. May I chant, and may I feel, vibrate, and transmit this Universal Sound, on every level of my conscious, subconscious, and superconscious mind for the next 24 hours. May every cell join in the chorus of OM, my every atom, my every subatomic wave and particle of energy join in this ecstatic OM.....